


Sirius Black and the Emotions

by Reallyjustafanperson



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Shitty Title, THIS ISN'T EDITED, Tw:Abuse, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, good ending, i will do so later, it is also really old, sirius needs love, sorry - Freeform, that's sirius, those weird people who can see emotions in eyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29307108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reallyjustafanperson/pseuds/Reallyjustafanperson
Summary: Sirius Orion Black was a master in seeing emotions in peoples eyes.
Relationships: Minor Lily Evans/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	Sirius Black and the Emotions

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago and stumbled upon it again. I'm still writing the next few chapters of 'Harry Not Quite Potter and The Avengers but for today here is this weird thing.

Sirius Orion Black was a master in seeing emotions in peoples eyes.

When Sirius Black was five, he first expressed his own opinion on muggleborns, something that often came up on their dinner table, the word Mudblood being thrown around left and right, his fathers mouth forming into a sneer and his mother becoming purple. He managed to get one sentence out, stumbling over his words because it was extremely different from what he had always been taught, before his mothers brown eyes filled with rage and disgust. His fathers eyes were quick to follow, brows furrowing and eyes narrowing on him. Regulus’, who had only been 3 back then, were filled with confusion followed by fear and tears when Walburga began screaming and throwing things at Sirius, which went on for almost twenty minutes in which she managed to break almost every plate they owned, which was quite a lot of plates. After that, he barely ever saw positive emotions in gazes directed at him, not from his family or any of the guests they invited, and on the sole occasion that they did let him out of the house, he did not dare to look up and see people in the eye, scared of more darkened eyes and furrowed brows, more clenched fist and more rejection.

When Sirius Black was seven, he had to go to a stupid party his aunt was throwing to celebrate his cousin Bellatrix’ seventeenth birthday. His mother had forced him and Regulus in those stupid formal robes that he hated so much, spelling his hair to not fall into his eyes as it always did. He and Regulus had been talking to a few of their younger cousins, which was nice, even if they were all pureblood obsessed, because Sirius did not get to talk to people his own age often. The topic went from quidditch to Hogwarts, and of course the houses came up. They always did. Sirius knew that he should have kept his mouth shut but then Narcissa just had to ask him which house he wanted to go to. It was barely a question, everyone just assumed that the eldest Black son, heir to the Noble and Ancient house of Black would be going to Slytherin, why would he want anything else? And when he had replied with Gryffindor, Cissy’s – no, Narcissa’s – eyes showed confusion, her head tilting slightly to the side. The others just showed disgust and a few ran off to their parents, tugging on their robes and pointing at him. Walburga came soon after, grabbing Sirius’ arm and forcing him into the fireplace to floo back home, eyes filled with both shame and anger.

By the time Sirius Black was eleven and it was time to go to Hogwarts the only emotion he ever saw in peoples eyes was either anger or disgust, dark with negativity, with the exception of his baby brothers’ who still showed excitement whenever Sirius went over to him, whose eyes only ever furrowed in anger and pain whenever any of their family members decided that Sirius should be the victim of their curses. He walked on the platform, the beautiful scarlet of the gleaming Hogwarts express in sight, and turned to his family. His mothers eyes were filled with determation before she began a speech about how he better got into Slytherin, and how his cousins would make his life hell if he didn’t. His fathers eyes showed hope and a bit of saddness, though sirius was sure the sadness was not because he was leaving. His father hadn’t bothered with a speech, just glared, a glare from eyes that were dark with negativity. A glare that promised what would happen if he didn’t come home wearing green and silver next summer. His brothers eyes were filled with tears, looking up at him with still a bit of happiness in them.

When Sirius Black went to Hogwarts, the emotions in peoples eyes changed, their eyes often a lot lighter when looking at him, light with adoration or amusement. He got a lot of gazes from the girls that bumped into him on the daily, their eyes a little glazed over and dreamy. He could see excitement and happiness in James’s eyes whenever he looked at him, often soon followed by a grin and a new prank idea. He saw admiration when Peter looked at him, something that he really appreciated. He saw exasparation in professor McGonagalls eyes whenever he, together with James, managed to get detention yet again, but it wasn’t dark. It was more some kind of exasparated gaze he saw some mothers on the street give to their children when they do something clumsy, or pull them along to a candy shop. He saw amusation in Mckinnons eyes when he and James pulled a prank on the Slytherins for her birthday, along with a grin and an eyeroll because it was Marlene. He saw happiness and a slight disbelief in Remus’ eyes when Sirius would sling an arm around him and give him a side-hug. Remus, who tentatively began hugging him back or help with the planning of another prank Sirius and James had come up with. 

Of course, even at Hogwarts there were eyes that darkened when they turned to look at Sirius, accompanied by clenched fist and set jaws. Evans’ green eyes narrowed and showed annoyance and anger when they would turn to look at him or James, not Remus but who could manage to hate Remus. Those of his family that still went to Hogwarts, which were still like fifteen people, along with the majority of Slytherin, showed nothing but hate, darkened eyes, furrowed brows. Sirius supposed that his excessive pranking did not help this, but he didn’t really care. Pranking was his way of revenge for his childhood, his coping mechanism of sorts. Snape always glared, a glare that held adeep stinging hate that Sirius had otherwise only ever seen in his mothers eyes. At least his eyes didn’t darken, that was almost impossible for Snape. During the summer holidays it was hate-filled glares from his mother especially, his father was never around and when he was, he didn’t bother looking at Sirius, preferring to feed Pureblood mania to his other son. Regulus never looked at him anymore either, in fear of his mother. Sirius understood but that didn’t make it sting less. Regulus had been the only person during the summer to not look at Sirius with those dark eyes and now he even had to miss that.

When Sirius Black was in his fifth year he had done something that he would regret for the rest of his life. He did not know it back then, but it would haunt him in azkaban, memories replaying until he lost all sense of time. He had told Snape about Moony, betraying his friends, betraying _Remus,_ breaking so many promises. He had almost caused someone to die. It may be the most annoying person in the world but Sirius did not want to be the cause of anyones death, ever. He did not want to be like his family in that way, murdering people because they did not share the same opinion as him, murdering people because they could. James, Remus and even Peter ignored him for a long time, eyes filled with sadness and anger and more negative emotions whenever they did turn to look at him, with clenched fists and furrowed brows, heads turning away just as quickly as they turned his way. They had made up by the end of the year , but Sirius would never forget those emotions in his friends eyes, the darkness they expressed, something that he had previously only seen when looking in his family members eyes.

When Sirius Black was sixteen his entire family looked at him again, but of course it was not positive. The chances of that happening had vanished a long time ago. It was the summer before his sixth year at Hogwarts. He was barely ever home, sneaking out at night and just strolling around London during the day. He had bought a black leather jacket in some shop at the edge of London just last week. He was counting down the days before he could go back and he had just three weeks to go, three weeks in this horrible place that was his home.. He had slipped up and if there was anything that their parents hated more than non-purebloods it was people who loved people of the same gender. And that was exactly what Sirius just made a comment about, mentioning remus, causing a whole new sort of emotions to arise at Grimmauld place 12. Both of his parents eyes were filled with nothing but pure disgust and his brothers were filled with fear, rightfully so, as not five minutes later Walburga screeched at him that she did not want him in her home, his father not quite expressing the same anger but not stopping her either. 

Sirius Black – Black? He wasn’t entirely sure anymore- went to Potter Manor the day after, with his hogwarts trunk and broom in hand and his best friend let him in, of course he did, he had always said he would, his eyes filled with the usual excitement and happiness but a twinge of sadness as well. Sirius knew that was because of him, but he couldn’t really do anything about it at the moment, not right now, not so soon after. He spent the rest of the summer there, practically accepted as a member of the family, and there were more eyes filled with emotions, emotions about him. James’ eyes showed sorrow, sorrow about the war and about Sirius, but also happiness, happiness that Sirius was there, hapiness created by the friendship they had formed over the years. Ms Potter – call me Euphemia- looked at him sometimes when she thought he didn’t see her. He did, but didn’t say anything, choosing to just observe her emotions. Her eyes were filled with nothing but fondness. Even the Potter patriarch looked at Sirius sometimes, amusation in his eyes when he pulled a prank and, like his wife, fondness when he thought Sirius wasn’t looking.

But it was all different to what Sirius was seeing now.

Remus turned to look at Sirius after he had pulled some dumb prank again and the latter saw the emotions in the others eyes, swirling around and creating a beautiful mix in the familiar eyes, eyes that Sirius could look at for hours. There was fondness and an emotion that he did not dare name. he could barely believe that it was there. He had seen it before, of course he had. It was there in James’ hazel eyes, behind his often skewed spectacles, whenever he talked about the redheaded girl that he had been obsessed with ever since they were 11. It was there in Peters eyes when he was talking about his newest project, hands flailing around in excitement, more often than not knocking things over or hitting other people, always apologising profusely after. He had even seen it in Marlene’s eyes, once, which was weird because the only thing that was ever really visible there was either annoyance or pride. It was there when she had asked her girlfriend out, sparkling in her eyes like the stars that could be seen from the top of the astronomy tower. He had even seen it in his mothers eyes, when his brother was sorted into Slytherin, when his brother started hanging out with the darker students at Hogwarts, when his brother did anything that Sirius would never do. It was never turned at him though, and he gave up hope after he turned 8.

Which is why there was no way Remus was looking at him with that emotion in his eyes. Sirius had never had anyone turn their gaze on him with that little sparkle in their eyes, directed at him, caused by his existence, stirred up by his presence. Sure, there was fondess and adoration and admiration sometimes but that was so incredibly different to this, the glimmer of those positive emotions fading compared to this kind of sparkle. It was so unfamiliar to him that he did not dare believe it was actually real. There was no way that this was real, it had been so long since anyone had looked at him like that that he had given up any hope that it would ever happen again. Deep down he knew that it must be real, because there was no-one else around that Remus could be looking at. Someone was looking at him, with that little sparkle in his eyes and it wasn’t fading, he wasn’t looking away from Sirius, it was meant for him, he was allowed to see it. He felt a grin come up his face, settling there and not going away for the rest of the day.

When Sirius Orion Black, previous heir to the most Ancient and Noble House of Black, now family dissapoinment, was seventeen, he first saw, really saw, someone look at him with love in their eyes, something that hadn’t happened since he was a toddler. It was so beautiful in Remus’ amber-brown eyes, under his curled dark eyelashes that Sirius counted when he got bored, a little glowing sparkle that was oh so beautiful with the green specks around the middle. It made him feel so amazing inside, little butterflies – and some bigger ones – fluttering around a warmness, mixing and creating a storm in his stomach that Sirius had not felt for a very long time, if he ever even felt it. He didn’t remember it. It might be the first time in his life, all of the long seventeen years of it, that someone looked at him like that, created a feeling like that by Sirius. And for the first time in his life, he looked back with the same amount of love, the little sparkle that he had spent days observing by others placing itself in his gray-blue eyes as if it belonged there, looking Remus straight in the eyes.


End file.
